ugh...

...i hate what stress does to us...what money does to us (or the lack-there-of)...

thanks to D's part-time job, and the amount of money we were able to get paid out when the heaven's came crashing in january...we've survived- comfortable and tightly- for the last eight months...i'm quite pleased with that, particularly since there aren't jobs to be had and nothing either D or I have tried has panned out (plus he still haven't started the backgrounds for NV yet...)

but, now...we are finally at that point...the savings is gone...the payouts have been paid-out...my store is still in it's beginning stages, and while i have made quite a few sales (thank you to all of you who have supported us by shopping and spreading the word) it still isn't a consistent source of income...i love it, and it is pretty much a full time job (especially if i am expected to be a wife and keep up the house and laundry and feed my husband)...so now...i'm facing attempting to find a job...again...and i don't know about everywhere else, but around here things aren't getting better...more and more businesses are going out...

we have experienced our share of extremely tight financial times in our four years of marriage...and it's starting again. tension, stress, worry, anxiety, edginess with eachother...not good...we've been praying fervently for God to provide and to direct us. and He has been so faithful and has provided in amazing ways thus far...WE'VE SURVIVED OFF OF ONE PART-TIME JOB FOR NINE MONTHS...but, I don't see much in sight...we were hoping to at least have some sort of answer for Nevada by now so we could at least plan on pushing through to january...but we haven't heard anything, and they are backlogged on backgrounds, so we don't know when we will start that stage...other agency applications D has sent in and tested for have been for one or maybe two positions and with the overwhelming responses of unemployed law-enforcement, his have fallen through...

on top of all this, we've been without health insurance for the last eight months...which, shouldn't be that big of a deal because we were without it for about two years of marriage in the first place, but we were finally attempting to be active...check out things D was concerned about, get me in regularly to the same physician and attempt to solve the infertility mystery...and in the midst of all of that it stopped...and we'll have to start all over again (if and when we can afford it again).

slimming down bills at this point means getting rid of internet (which is a necessity at this point), tv (which is not a necessity but we've done without it before and D goes crazy), and our phones (which is also a necessity)...so, i feel stuck...that horrible shadow that looms constantly, which we thought we had rid ourselves of, has returned...

Lord, give us peace and wisdom and understanding and patience...and please Lord provide for us and open doors...