Yesterday...I was online listing two glass items that I had found "junking" on my Etsy store page. Well, my scale is not sensitive enough to allow me to weigh them. So, horror of horrors...I stepped on the scale holding one without even thinking about it!!!
Well, why does that matter you say? Well, I had been weighing myself last year...I had started and stopped a few things. I'd even started jogging along PCH for a while, but after I was sick for two weeks with pnuemonia...that quickly ended also... ....Due to the depressing, aggrivating, and crushing course of events that we experienced in December through February that led us to move, etc...I started bottling frustration up, started to drink LOTS of Dr. Pepper to motivate me to do anything...and, have not weighed myself since JANUARY!!!
HA! Well, you can imagine...after some depressing months of grief, change, being jaded, and just generally feeling confused and lost...weighing myself yesterday was a shock to my system!!! There is NO WAY that jar weighs more than three pounds...so that means...!!! AH! Nope, it only weighs 2.5 leaving me an astronomical amount heavier than my already fat and obese self was in January! Granted, as my husband said, this scale seems a little off...if you use it in the same place every time, great...but each time we move and place it in a new bathroom it runs on a new "scale". BUT STILL!!!
So, though I've felt this way for about four years, though I've been trying to convince myself for four years, though I've been "overweight" for four years...yesterday I was done. I had a long conversation with D last night regarding the whole issue. What I want from myself and from him, and what my goals are.
I am only posting this once I've made some progress...but I'm going to "journal" it every day anyway for motivation. For some strange and bazaar reason, when people "encourage" me I get discouraged. I start feeling self-conscious and that the comments of "I'm so proud of you for doing this, stick with it" mean that if I do these supporters will for some reason think I did it for them, or because of the encouragement to do so. NO! I want this for me. I want this because I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I want this because I hate running into people I know that I haven't been seeing everyday and have therefore become a recluse. I want this to feel better, to feel confident, to be able to do the outdoor activities that I love so much, and if I am doing it for anyone it's for D.
SO! Day ONE! I decided last night that I am going to do a negative calorie diet for a week (or my take on it anyway), and see where I stand. If it simply makes me feel more comfortable in my body, then I will decide where to go from there. I went shopping this morning, and bought celery, apples, grapefruit, carrots, cucumber, (have lettuce in the fridge), organic lite raspberry vinegrette and then some green tea (to boost metabolism) and Quaker oat bran cereal. Weighed myself this morning...took some photos...bottle of water, cup of cereal...and I'm on my way.
Lunch...a piece of multi-grain toast (need carbs because the hubbs and I are going for a bike ride when he gets home), three stalks of celery and a sliced apple (and water of course)...I'm quite full and satisfied, and so DONE chewing :)
Lord, give me the strength and will power to stick with this and be successful. Give me the self-control to resist my foodie cravings and all the food that I love to enjoy the flavors of....
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