...so...

Well, now that life has somewhat settled down (heh, right!) and we are now SOMEWHAT financially comfortable and we have fantastic health benefits! Drew and I decided, we want to try for a baby.

Drew and I have been wanting a baby, well since we got married really. Which is strange, it was almost scary how naturally the 'baby' thoughts came within weeks of the wedding! However, God has had other plans...hind-sight is 20/20 and He knew it was not time for us to start a family. When we first got married, we were both working a lot and barely getting by...we did have a miscarriage (only about 5 weeks along, but still), but that would have really stretched us! We then moved to Rocklin thinking we were possibly going to be there permanently and we could start a family. But within a month of moving there we began the CHP process and a year later Drew was at the Academy (all that time would have been BAD timing and really hard on us- emotionally and financially). Now, life has eased up. We have great benefits, we are financially 'comfortable', and slowly getting beyond the whole the Academy created. Plus, the deep desire of wanting to be able to get pregnant and have a baby, and be able to start our family has hung on me so long...God has really shown me that I do have a heart to be a mother. I think if we had gotten pregnant right away and everything went well, it would have just been what happened and we would have had a baby. (As horribly disconnected as that sounds) But over the past year-and-a-half, my yearning for a baby hasn't turned into anger and only sometimes is disappointing...it has become a realization of how much I desire to be a mother, to have a baby. And through this I have come to understand more clearly that babies are such a precious miracle and a gift from God.

I know, I know...We just moved, and my mom is in Auburn and I'm in Huntington Beach! Trust me the issue has plagued me for some months now! However, (though I'm aware that we will most likely NOT be moving from here before 2011, and that we may not even go straight to NorCal at that point) aside from our location, our "timing" could not be better! Financially, health care, my schedule, less stress (easier pregnancy, hopefully), and Drew and I have talked about it and don't feel like we can wait another 2-3 years. I can fully admit that I have been struggling, and though God would pull us through, I would continue to struggle with "well I'd like to wait, but I'm really ready!" But, it's not like us saying this means tomorrow we'll have pregnancy announcements in the mail. This just means we've talked and want to "try".

Considering neither Drew or I have really done anything for ourselves in the way of health care since we were married, there's a lot of things to check into and get taken care of first. Also, the "planning" part of trying......that takes a while to sort out (as I am quickly discovering). I'm also realizing that many couples try for a year or more when "trying" before they actually conceive. ...and...considering my history (one confirmed early miscarriage and hormonal imbalances) and that we haven't been on birth control since about a month after the wedding...I think it will take us a little while before we are really capable of even saying we're "trying"...

BESIDES! God's timing, is God's timing. If we try and it's not His timing, we won't be successful. If He thinks we're ready, and sees us fit...it'll happen. And it will be a wonderful miracle.

Any prayers offered up on behalf of this issue would be greatly appreciated. I know it's a long, hard, and emotional process, and something I've already been breaking my heart over! God's perfect timing, health, and stamina are what we desire.