New Me - first week down...time to get serious!

Well... A week ago on Wedesday, I had a shopping trip - purchased lean proteins, veggies, a couple healthy "snack" items, and juice...lots of juice...

The next day, it started.  I downloaded the app My Fitness Pal on my iPhone almost a year ago, so I started using that again.  I use it to log all intake, and my favorite part is the nutrition information it kicks backs to you.  It also let's you know an approximation of what you will weigh in 5 weeks if you keep eating the way you did that day.  You can also have it track how many steps you take and log excercise, and it will show calories burned.  

I highly recommend it, you can input goals - such as goal weight, how many lbs to lose per week, etc... Here's my chart at this point:

So, it's definitely helping!!!

I also started a "diet" last Thursday...which is technically just healthier/cleaner eating.  I cut out most, if not all carbs (aside from fruit) - if I have bread or pasta it is whole grain.  I also hardly eat vegetables, so that was an instant change as well.  Dairy is also a "little-to-none" item on the menu.  My cherry coke a day habit also ended during those three days...woo hoo!

So!  I did this, and only this, for three days, and a week ago today, I did a cleanse.  It was modified...for me and our finances...but still.  I bought three flavors of Naked juice at Costco.  (Yes, I know, it's sugary, questionable on the "all natural", etc... It's still better than my previous daily diet).  I had Blue Machine juice for breakfast, Mama Chia squeeze for snack, Veggie Berry for lunch (with a string cheese the last two days cause I was feeling like I was going to pass out), and Green Machine for dinner with a baked chicken breast or egg whites.  I did this for 2 1/2 days (aimed for 3), I ate more food for dinner the third night because I was becoming beyond irritable and angry.  Tuesday of this last week I resumed the regular "diet", lots of water drinking, tracking food, etc

As of yesterday, I had lost 1.3lbs since I first weighed myself (about 5 days).  I likely had lost a little before I first weighed myself, my scale wasn't working when I started this whole thing...but, I know, a handful of months ago I was another 3.8lbs heavier than my "first weigh in", so I'm encouraged!

Workout!!!  Started officially today.  I started the P90X "lean" program, so today was Core Synergistics.  We will see what happens - I may switch to the P90X 3...I have a toddler, I'm a stay-at-home-mom, I babysit a friends daughter during the week...so, 30 minute workouts would be wonderful as opposed to 45-120 minutes...

We will see!!!  

Goal - 

December 2015

Down to 150 lbs (140 would be amazing!)

Fit into a size 8 (size 6 would be wonderful)

Current -

204.9 lbs

Size 14

Well, changing things up a bit...

2015!  Yes, cliche resolution...here we go...

Two things - 

First - My husband and I purchased a vintage camper trailer in November!!!  A 1955 Dalton Apache.  SO EXCITED!  We have so many plans for giving this thing a facelift and using it to take our little munchkin camping... Only issue...we are renting a home in an HOA, and we can't park it on the street, or in the driveway.  We dropped it to the frame, but it won't fit into our garage.  And there's no physical way to get it in our side yards behind a fence...  So, we are going to have to store it for a bit.  Which means we can't start on it yet...  Our goal is to strip the aluminum skin and get any potential (and likely) water damage taken care of before we do anything.  However, that's going to be tricky at this point... SO!  That is a project that I am going to journal and catalogue using this blog.

SECOND -  I am sick and tired of feeling fat.  I am done with not wanting to be in photos or see a living soul...  Had a long discussion with my hubbs, laid out a plan, I made a meal plan, went shopping tonight...ready.  We are going to eat healthy (it won't be the suggested meal plan cause I tried that before and it's ridiculous both financially and time wise), I'm going to start with a three day cleanse, and then on day three of my cleanse - P90X day one!!!  Before Christmas I can get through the 90 day regiment FOUR times!  

GOAL - 

Hopefully, lose 50-60lbs (more would be great, but trying to be realistic).  But, definitely want to comfortably fit into a large shirt size (again would love to be a medium like I used to be, but), and hopefully lose AT LEAST 8 pant sizes...  

So, there it is... And I'll be using this blog to journal that too!  

Happy 2015!!!

P90X Day 2

Today went pretty well...I am rather sore, and after Cardio X today, my upper legs aren't working properly!

I made the mushroom scramble and had a protein shake, peaches, and cottage cheese for breakfast. For someone that doesn't normally eat breakfast, that was A LOT of food to stomache...

I did Cardio X (which I think is my favorite of the routines)...and had a Luna bar and recovery drink after.

Only major hiccup today: I was so full from breakfast that I didn't think to make lunch until it was too late. So, I had another snack, and this evening was Taco Tuesday, so I had two tacos with grilled onions.

All in all relatively workable, tomorrow is just a protein shake for breakfast so I will need to get lunch made, and it'll be the first meal of the plan that D will have...so we will see how good his attitude is after that.

P90X Lean workout plan and nutrition plan- Day 1

Ok, I know I have two other posts about "P90X Day 1"...and I of course have excuses for why each of those stopped...BUT, today is a new day! I started P90X today (again). This time, I wanted to give myself every opportunity to succeed...since my body and my PCOS fights me over weight. So, I did alot of research before I did my workout today-I mean hours worth. I found a website/blog http://myp90xnutritionplan.com in my search for a free downloadable copy o the nutrition guide. She had lots of info and a meal tracking sheet, which was very helpful. Based off of what I read there I am going to be using chocolate milk as my recovery drink-I want there to be NO excuses and if I somehow can't get a hold of some special powder in time for something I'll quit...so, milk I can buy at any grocery store it is!

I spent the entire afternoon (no joke, 4 hours) dragging the Hubbs around to replace all our food. I'm going with the level II phase I plan/recipes for 4 weeks (fat shredder), then I'll do the phase II for 4 weeks, an proceed to start incorporating our own versions of recipes in after that.

D has been remarkably helpful an was a pretty good sport, he even picked up quite a few things at Trader Joes for himself! It was very daunting...but dollar wise, we came out SO much better than I had anticipated.

Because today was shot, I warmed some left over potatoes (to get rid of them) and made a chicken/onion/red bell pepper sauté in olive oil for dinner. So, the real "diet"/nutrition plan will start tomorrow. But my P90X started today. I'm doing the Lean routine, then I think I'll repeat, then perhaps try the classic. So, today was Core Synergistics. I could tell that (when I was doing it before) my body had really adjusted- because tonight I couldn't do half of what I was able to when I stopped...but it'll come back...

I have a sneaky little surprise for D waiting at the end of the 90 days. Well, it's sort of a reward/confidence booster for myself and also a gift/new beginning for him :) , and I am using that as a timeline cruncher and it should help motivate me to stay on track......but I'm not going to tell you what it is just yet ;)

Measurements:

Photos:

P90X Day 8

Ok...so, it should be more than day 8...but we had a crazy travel weekend and I got a terrible sunburn causing my shoulders to loose almost full range of motion....SO! There's my excuse...

But, today I started back with Core Synergistics...I definitely feel less "swollen" looking, but however, seeing myself I don't feel like it's changing anything just yet.  I see photos of peoples Day 1 in comparison to Day 30, 60, and 90...and it doesn't quite feel like that is achievable for me.......but we shall see.  Motivation: a June 5th family wedding...and I'll be past day 30 at that point, so here's hoping!!!

Last week I jumbled a few of the days exercises around so that I could make sure I was doing SOMETHING.  Yesterday was day 7 (rest day), and though I had a couple unintentional rest days last week, I just went for a hike in the canyon instead of "rest" or skipping rest and doing a video.

So far, I'm feeling pretty good about it. There are still only a couple things (such as the "Dreya roll") that I can't do; everything else I can and just do as many reps as my body will handle at this point.

My body is already rejecting junk food...which feels fantastic...so, hopefully that will be a turning point as well.

I forgot to take Day One photos, so I'm going to today (I just won't be posting them until I have some "progress" photos to post with them.)

P90X...day 1 and day 2

Ok, Ok, I know I had started an attempted diet thing to loose the weight a while back...and it trickled off...as usual.

But, I am much more motivated now. You see, I'm a slight procrastinator...sadly...and I was using my brother-in-laws wedding as my timeline so that I could feel comfortable being in family photos...well, that is June 5th, and I still need (or want at least) to loose 30lbs!

My target weight is 50lbs less...and I believe I can do it. If I was slim and trim as I once was, I would weigh that much less than I do now. My goal is to get 30 off by the wedding...hahaha...well, here we are down to the wire, but it is motivating me.

A couple weeks ago D and I started going on walks...we live at the base of the Sierra Nevada mountains and it is hilly and there is a river "just out our back door". So, we've been walking the canyon daily...and I've changed my diet habbits (again)...so no soda, fruit smoothie blend for breakfast, basic sandwich and water for lunch, and then whatever we make for dinner.  Well, my friend sent me her copy of P90X (seeing as how she's currently pregnant with twins...) and I started that yesterday.

Day 1: didn't have the "schedule" so I started with the Cardio X disc (as recommended by her).  Not too bad. My legs were burning, I slowed near the end, and the "Dreya roll" is something my popping knees won't currently allow me to do...but, I got through the whole thing.  And felt fine all day...no soreness issues while I was at work, whatsoever........came home from work, late, and crashed (just from the day) and after 5 minutes of relaxing my muscles started to ache.

Day 2: waking up this morning and trying to sit up wasn't horrible, but I could definitely feel it in my stomache.  Did the Core Synergistics ("day 1") and again, made it most of the way through...Dreya roll I'm definitely going to have to work towards...and I ran out of time because I have work this afternoon, so really I only missed the "bonus round" on that disc.  But, I'm pretty proud of myself for not sitting and watching the exercises (as I will often do...)  But I am stiff and my abs are sore!

Off to take a hot shower and head to work...I'm really optimistic about this, really hoping it delivers!!!

...pics of me...long ago...when I was at my target weight...

Candlewick...my new collecting item...

So...at the beginning of last summer...D and I were walking around old town Folsom and came across a cute shop called Melange. Each section of the store are items from a different vendor (sort of like an antique mall, but these aren't all antiques and it's just a little shop tucked into an old building).

I LOVE glass! Have I mentioned that yet? Yes, serious obsession with anything glass...I also like vintage antiques, '30s '40s '50s eras. I've been on the hunt for a couple years now for the perfect antique style champagne glasses. These aren't tall and narrow like the ones today. If you watch a film from the 1940s you'll see that they were small, short stemmed, and wide like a wine glass but tapered up quickly and stopped...here's an example:

    

glass are a listed item in the shop of OurModernHistory ~ an Etsy shop

So, initially, I was just looking around...then, I was hunting for some glasses. Then I came across this:

These are dessert sets. Large dessert tray/plate with dividers and a matching glass. I've seen quite a few of these...and one I really liked was a set that was pretty smooth and simple but the plate was shaped like a painters palette. Well, this (not an uncommon set) is the first one of this style I have come across that had the "mugs" with the plates...it was a set of four...and it matches the set my grandma has and has used a family gatherings for years! So, I decided these were the ones!

The lady in the shop described them to me, and told me that there are two very similar patterns that were very popular mid-century: Bubblewick and Candlewick. She described the slight differences to me and we left. But, now all I've seen really is the Candlewick (or people calling their sets Candlewick)...so, I'm just going to collect any pieces I like that look like they match these...fair??? So, excuse my ignorance.

About a month later I was at a flee market in town with my mom and found these...I think it was only about $10 for them...yeah!

Then, I was out "junking" for items for my shop, and of course, I found items for myself. I picked up eight of these sherbet glasses at a garage sale...$6!!!

A couple months ago I went to an antique mall with my mom and found more pieces, a pedestal server, a bowl, and many more fun items...but I was able to control myself...until I have the extra money to go on a spree this is the beginning of my collectors set!!! And, maybe my grandma will give me her pieces some day???

thrift shopping

finally had a day today to take a few pictures of some great pieces we've picked up lately...this rounds out our unfinished stock of furniture at (1) coffee table, (2) unique side tables, (1) french louis upholstered chair, (2) duncan phiffe style side chairs...hopefully, we will soon have time (and resources) to get a few items finished and listed on Etsy...

here they are, in their current state...

This chair was SUPER cheap at a thrift shop. The key thing typically is if the original needlepoint seat cover is gone, you can find them at VERY reasonable prices...other thing, we have found that the rear joint between the seat and the back/leg separates, but a little wood glue and some clamps fixes it...and the extra effort is well worth the price we find them at in this condition!

THIS WAS A FIND!

My mom and I went to the local old town street faire, in search of chairs and any other potential "junk" finds we might discover. I have NEVER seen this style of chair with the harp back for the price we did. It even has the burlap seat structure and the needlepoint pad still! However, it is in pretty bad shape and the wood on the legs and back is rather scratched (mostly surface and nothing we won't be able to buff out when we sand it to paint). But the condition of the wood and needlepoint could be the only reason we got such a good deal...typically with this back and the original seat- we find these for no less than $100.

I am so excited about these odd and tiny tables. I think they are so cute, but so unique... They are only about two feet tall!  But I HAD to pick them up. I have been striking out so much lately with only smooth furniture (which typically means it isn't too terrible old)...but these have such great carvings on the pedistal and the edge of the table top.  I am thinking they will end up antiqued or "shabby chic'd" because the design of them would pull it off very well. I also may simply paint one white to get rid of the image of the wood in peoples minds and list it as a pick your color type of thing...haven't decided yet...

More JAM!

Made alot more jam this week...

D and I went up to Apple Hill a week ago and enjoyed the fall feel of things...walked around a few of the different farms up there, we always enjoy High Hill Ranch, there are so many craft booths and whatnot...We took and drive and just took the day slow (which was wonderful!)

a cool selection of pumpkins that were all piled up

D, eating an apple fritter...of course :)

During our drive we did a little junking and found a chair that had the same Duncan Phiffe style that some of the ones we've found before had, so we picked that up! And then we stopped by Boa Vista Orchards and bought some produce and a 25lb box of canning pears!

So, yes, I've been making jam repeatedly over the last week. Raspberry pear jam...it's amazing!

It has such a thick but smooth texture (thanks to the pears), and the flavor is tart from the raspberries but because of the pears has a strawberry-like sweetness to it. It is SO good! My mom used to make this along with the apricot jam when we were younger, and I haven't had it in years!

a little bit of a pick-me-up

well, we've had a rough year...year-and-a-half...ok, it's been a rough THREE years...BUT! we are alive. we live in a beautiful spot in northern california that we both love. my husband (for the first time in years) says that despite alot of our stressors that are still present, he is really happy right now......wow, can't argue with that!

we got in a car accident the day before his birthday...we decided to go for a drive to relax and de-stress...and on our way out of town we were rear ended.  so much for relaxing!  we thought it was just damage to the bumper, but it actually crushed part of the frame rail on the passenger side also...so it totaled our hand-me-down that we were hoping to sell for a little bit of money so DH could look for an old jeep or chevy pickup that was in working order, but could become his project car. well, that seemed to be out of the question at this point. we were positive we wouldn't get enough out of it, that the insurance wouldn't cover our repairs, and that (obviously) we wouldn't be able to sell it either. yesterday, we received our settlement check for his little old corolla and it was towed away, and last night while searching Craigs List D found a CJ7 for the perfect price. we got up super early this morning drove down to the valley, we were the first ones there and told them we'd take it. 

you should have seen his proud face driving that thing home!  sure...there are a few little issues with it, and we need to clean it out and just do some maintenance on it, but for the price we got it...wow. it runs great, (sounds wonderful), and it is the perfect start...it even has a hard top so D won't freeze this winter! we are so excited. our agreement was that he could shop for a "project" if the amount we spent getting it to running order where anything we did beyond that could wait and was optional was no more than the amount we received from the insurance...and we got that.  it hasn't been messed with, (except for the silly gold miner hood ornament and the giant roll bar sticking out the front) -- so as he decides along the way to upgrade or refurbish or paint...etc...he is starting with a blank slate...

so excited, i grew up with my dad's toy being a '55 CJ5...he built and re-built and re-built that thing. it's beautiful, and the whole family has sentimental value for it. looking at it as we were finalizing the sale, it was hard to believe, we were getting our own......hopefully, this ends up being our family nostalgic vehicle!!!

...took this while D was looking around the inside...

ugh...

...i hate what stress does to us...what money does to us (or the lack-there-of)...

thanks to D's part-time job, and the amount of money we were able to get paid out when the heaven's came crashing in january...we've survived- comfortable and tightly- for the last eight months...i'm quite pleased with that, particularly since there aren't jobs to be had and nothing either D or I have tried has panned out (plus he still haven't started the backgrounds for NV yet...)

but, now...we are finally at that point...the savings is gone...the payouts have been paid-out...my store is still in it's beginning stages, and while i have made quite a few sales (thank you to all of you who have supported us by shopping and spreading the word) it still isn't a consistent source of income...i love it, and it is pretty much a full time job (especially if i am expected to be a wife and keep up the house and laundry and feed my husband)...so now...i'm facing attempting to find a job...again...and i don't know about everywhere else, but around here things aren't getting better...more and more businesses are going out...

we have experienced our share of extremely tight financial times in our four years of marriage...and it's starting again. tension, stress, worry, anxiety, edginess with eachother...not good...we've been praying fervently for God to provide and to direct us. and He has been so faithful and has provided in amazing ways thus far...WE'VE SURVIVED OFF OF ONE PART-TIME JOB FOR NINE MONTHS...but, I don't see much in sight...we were hoping to at least have some sort of answer for Nevada by now so we could at least plan on pushing through to january...but we haven't heard anything, and they are backlogged on backgrounds, so we don't know when we will start that stage...other agency applications D has sent in and tested for have been for one or maybe two positions and with the overwhelming responses of unemployed law-enforcement, his have fallen through...

on top of all this, we've been without health insurance for the last eight months...which, shouldn't be that big of a deal because we were without it for about two years of marriage in the first place, but we were finally attempting to be active...check out things D was concerned about, get me in regularly to the same physician and attempt to solve the infertility mystery...and in the midst of all of that it stopped...and we'll have to start all over again (if and when we can afford it again).

slimming down bills at this point means getting rid of internet (which is a necessity at this point), tv (which is not a necessity but we've done without it before and D goes crazy), and our phones (which is also a necessity)...so, i feel stuck...that horrible shadow that looms constantly, which we thought we had rid ourselves of, has returned...

Lord, give us peace and wisdom and understanding and patience...and please Lord provide for us and open doors...

Day Five...of a new me...

I have been doing very good...I'm so proud of myself.

While dinner has presented an opportunity for me to splurge a bit...my breakfasts have been consisting of any combination of grapefruit, a single slice of multi-grain toast, oat bran cereal, and nectarines. Lunch and periodical snacks: apples, celery, carrots, and nectarines. But, when it comes to dinner, I made a decision to fudge a little and give myself a little flavor and protein. The first night I had some chicken in a tortilla, the second night...well, it was my mom's birthday and we made chicken cordon blue...so I had a piece of that (sauce on the side) and salad (no bread)...the third night, eggs- my husband made himself an egg burrito...and last night a slice of roast beef with some carrots (no potatoes, no gravy). I'm drinking almost exclusively water. And I was craving something sweet that I didn't have to chew yesterday, and found some fat free, sugar free chocolate pudding in the pantry...and poured that into individual containers.

I'm impressed with myself...I've had no chips or crackers...no candy...no soda...no fastfood...hardly any dairy (except on my cereal)...hardly even any juice (except from straight out of the fruit)...

We shall see...they claim you shouldn't monitor your weight EVERY day...but I checked yesterday morning...down four pounds...so, if we can keep that rate up...I'll be very happy!

Day One...of a new me...

Yesterday...I was online listing two glass items that I had found "junking" on my Etsy store page. Well, my scale is not sensitive enough to allow me to weigh them. So, horror of horrors...I stepped on the scale holding one without even thinking about it!!!

Well, why does that matter you say? Well, I had been weighing myself last year...I had started and stopped a few things. I'd even started jogging along PCH for a while, but after I was sick for two weeks with pnuemonia...that quickly ended also...  ....Due to the depressing, aggrivating, and crushing course of events that we experienced in December through February that led us to move, etc...I started bottling frustration up, started to drink LOTS of Dr. Pepper to motivate me to do anything...and, have not weighed myself since JANUARY!!!

HA! Well, you can imagine...after some depressing months of grief, change, being jaded, and just generally feeling confused and lost...weighing myself yesterday was a shock to my system!!!  There is NO WAY that jar weighs more than three pounds...so that means...!!! AH! Nope, it only weighs 2.5 leaving me an astronomical amount heavier than my already fat and obese self was in January! Granted, as my husband said, this scale seems a little off...if you use it in the same place every time, great...but each time we move and place it in a new bathroom it runs on a new "scale". BUT STILL!!!

So, though I've felt this way for about four years, though I've been trying to convince myself for four years, though I've been "overweight" for four years...yesterday I was done.  I had a long conversation with D last night regarding the whole issue. What I want from myself and from him, and what my goals are.

I am only posting this once I've made some progress...but I'm going to "journal" it every day anyway for motivation. For some strange and bazaar reason, when people "encourage" me I get discouraged. I start feeling self-conscious and that the comments of "I'm so proud of you for doing this, stick with it" mean that if I do these supporters will for some reason think I did it for them, or because of the encouragement to do so. NO! I want this for me. I want this because I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I want this because I hate running into people I know that I haven't been seeing everyday and have therefore become a recluse. I want this to feel better, to feel confident, to be able to do the outdoor activities that I love so much, and if I am doing it for anyone it's for D.

SO! Day ONE!  I decided last night that I am going to do a negative calorie diet for a week (or my take on it anyway), and see where I stand. If it simply makes me feel more comfortable in my body, then I will decide where to go from there. I went shopping this morning, and bought celery, apples, grapefruit, carrots, cucumber, (have lettuce in the fridge), organic lite raspberry vinegrette and then some green tea (to boost metabolism) and Quaker oat bran cereal. Weighed myself this morning...took some photos...bottle of water, cup of cereal...and I'm on my way.

Lunch...a piece of multi-grain toast (need carbs because the hubbs and I are going for a bike ride when he gets home), three stalks of celery and a sliced apple (and water of course)...I'm quite full and satisfied, and so DONE chewing :)


Lord, give me the strength and will power to stick with this and be successful. Give me the self-control to resist my foodie cravings and all the food that I love to enjoy the flavors of....

thrift shopping

well, my birthday was on a friday in june...and the hubbs had tuesday, wednesday, and thursday off so he took me shopping and endured alot with me those three days! i dragged him in and out of four or five thrift shops, he was a good sport about it!

my original intention for thrift shopping was to find vintage/bohemian clothing for cheap...but i had no luck. i guess that is how you start that type of shopping, eliminating the shops that don't necessarily cater to what you are specifically looking for. so, i ended up shopping clearance at urban outfitters and found a few items.

however, i did score a couple of random items at the thrift shops! an old wood framed chair with an upholstered seat, two matching table lamps, and a set of four divided dessert plates with glasses (the exact ones my grandma has).

D has already begun work on the chair...re-gluing and stablizing it, and he cut a new board for the seat. i got a fabric for the seat, and he recently paint the chair with an enamel...my other thing is that i've been wanting to do this as a side business type thing, like on etsy or something...the chair was only $6 and at that rate i could do pretty well refurnishing them. but i haven't decided if that's what i'm going to use it for and get super creative with it, or if i'm going to use it in our house and need to decide where...

 

the lamps i found are great...i got REALLY excited because (especially with the shades) i figured they were from the '60s or something. but they have switches for "three-way" light bulbs, so they may be much newer than that...but i have been searching for the perfect lamps for our side tables in our bedroom and everything i like costs a fortune! so, these were a find, the perfect color and i love the shape and style of them! i just need to get a couple of large hurricane type shades for them now...

well, hopefully i will find a treasure of a thrift shop at some point that has the type of clothing i'm looking for...but the search is still on...

a few weeks after this trip, my mom took me shopping and we went to a flea market here in town and found additional pieces for the dessert plates/glasses...a creamer and sugar, and i believe a bowl...so cool!

then, just a few days ago i went into goodwill looking for an old book with small drawings, small font, and yellowed pages (i am going to decoupage the pages onto my dress form for a more decorative look for photos)...and while i found one, our other find was even better! an old singer sewing machine!!! it works, ish...there is no belt but the mechanisms work, and there is a cord with a pedal for it (but the wiring is a bit scary)...it is very well used and seems like it likely sat unused in someones garage for an eternity, but i'm excited about it! $30, and we looked it up tonight...the serial number is from 1947!!!  ya...i'm happy with it even if i never use it!

...a little mini-vacation...finally...

we just got back from our camping trip to the coast...it was so relaxing! i don't think either of us have been that brain dead in at least a year...

we drove out after D got off work monday, and then we came back thursday. visited two restaurants that have been featured on "diners, drive-ins, and dives" (we were impressed with both!), rode a couple rides at the boardwalk, and enjoyed some much cooler weather than we've been experiencing here at home! two of the mornings we even woke up to such heavy dew and fog that we thought it was raining...

life has been so crazy over the last...well, i keep saying year-and-a-half, but really a little over two-years now...between an extremely tight financial situation, then preparations for D to attend the chp academy, then the stretching six months during the academy...then, a move back to so cal a trying year with the chp, the end of that phase of our lives, and our trudging on since...which, it's incredible to think that it has been six months since all of that ended...  we do well for the most part, seeing how evidently it was God's time to separate us from that and how we try to stay positive and look forward to what He pulled us away for...but, it's been rough lately- near impossible to completely shut out the "what if's" or "we would have been..."

and also with our struggles with attempting to start our family...(excuse me, we are a family...grow our family from two, to three or more...) i think i can safely say that i have been truely depressed for the last two months. i was doing really well for a while...knowing God had better things, and ready to move on, and thinking solely on those trials and not the family growing. but as time wears on, and we continue to sit and wait in the bazaar "hang" period...the desires of our heart continue to feel further and further out of reach.

i am still looking for a job...D has a few applications out with multiple agencies (and has for some months now)...otherwise we would probably be able to cross stability and finances off of our stress list...but we can't...

SO! needless to say, we needed this break. we stretched a little for it, but it was worth it. time together, alone. just the two of us, enjoying being the two of us. i didn't think much about infertility, neither of us thought about the months we have been waiting for "something to happen"...we both felt so purged of thoughts, it was almost weird. i asked D how he was doing one day and he said, "great, actually". no kidding...i don't think i've heard that come out of him in ages.

we were enjoying our alone-ness, and disconnect from reality...so we really didn't take very many pictures...a few of our surroundings but that is about it.

america the beautiful

today is a wonderful day in America...a day to celebrate the great nation we live in and belong to...a day to be thankful for the freedoms we have and the people who defend them...a day to reflect on our "one nation, under God", and where she's at today. as much as i am greatly disturbed by what America has become, how unacceptable patriotism has become and how non-American most "American's" are...i am truly greatful for this country and the blessings God has poured out on her. i am extremely patriotic, for those of you who don't know me...a gratitude that was instilled in me by my mother......i will likely cry during the fireworks this evening, i cry during the national anthem, america the beautiful,  and even proud to be an american. i know, people think i'm crazy, but i listen to the words and reflect on ALL that it means to be an American, and it moves me...i know i am truly blessed...

so, be safe today...have fun...eat lots of BBQ...but remember America, what the USA is, and what it means to be an American...thank you Lord for Your blessings, and continue to show mercy on our country.

America, The Beautiful (the FULL song)
by Katherine Lee Bates, 1913

O beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!

America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet,
Whose stern impassion'd stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!

America! America! God mend thine ev'ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life!

America! America! May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev'ry gain divine!

O Beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam,
Undimmed by human tears!

America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

apricot jam

this stuff is the most beautiful jam! and it is hoarded like gold in my family...

my mom has been making this recipe for years...and she does such a good job, everybody knows it as "[her] jam". i made it for the first time last year, and it turned out really well, and started sharing it with Mr. D's side of the family. this year i'm hoping to expand my domestisity and do apricot jam and raspberry pear (which my mom also used to make and it's fantastic!), my grandma taught me to make her family recipe homemade noodles from the mid-west, and my other grandma is going to teach me to make her applesauce in the fall. i'm excited. it is so fun to have goodies like that to share with people...that YOU made! and who would have ever thought I would be capable of that???

well, i bought two boxes of canning apricots the other day and made one batch (which HARDLY) made a dent in them...and i made a double batch today...and i still have a ton left, luckily they are a little green, so i have a few days to let them age before i have to make more! but, so far, i have 19 jars of sealed jam, and one funky jar (that was uneven so it didn't seal properly) that is in the fridge. so, i think i'll be making the rest to fill my mom's jars (since she won't be making any this year)...i have no idea what i'll do with all of that!!!

an american in paris

can i just say how much i love classic movies...really...they don't make them like they did in hollywoods golden years! i got two movies for my birthday that i have had saved on our dvr for a little over a year now!!!  singing in the rain and an american in paris. gene kelley inspires me. and the gershwin ballet in american in paris with the impressionist paintings is amazing...i watch that movie when i'm in a painting mood, or want to feel inspired to be creative (in any capacity).

i love the classic movies...mainly '50s or older...i love the musicals, particularly if fred astaire or gene kelley are starring. they were masters of their art...defined their own styles...and gene created what was soon known as the "american" musical. the man who danced with normal movements making you feel like you could do what he was doing... makes me wish i knew how to tap dance...also makes me realize i was born in the wrong era!!!

...macarons...

oye...i saw a photo and a wonderful sounding recipe on MSN a few weeks ago for a French meringue cookie called a macaron (no, not macaroon). two cookies with a filling...and the one I wanted to attempt was chocolate with ganache filling!  mmm...  sounds heavenly, right?

well, being the experimental and self-taught cook that i am, i saw "almond flour" in the recipe and (not knowing that it was a key ingredient and how different it is) used all-purpose instead, because that's what i had in my pantry.  well instead of an end product of meringue that i could pipe onto a cookie sheet, it ended in a dry nasty paste. OK! second attempt, we bought some almond flour...which is also known as almond meal, and had it said that i wouldn't have thought of using flour- due to the oils and fats in the nut, it has a moister consistency...beautiful...i had a thick creamy substance that i was able to fold the meringue into and scoop into a pastry bag.

mistake substitution #2, i did not have parchment paper. it was late and the grocery stores were closed and i had forgotten that i was out of paper...so i used foil! i knew that aluminum conducts heat very well, and was therefore positive that it would change the way they baked, but i tried it anyway. one batch was burnt on the bottom and the other was gooey and hollow on the inside. well, i also figured out through this attempt that my insulated cookie sheet was going to work better than my other sheet. but i sealed up the batter and called it a night.

sure that i had solved all the problems and that i had NO substitutions to worry about this round, i attempted for a third time. well, half looked good, and the other half did the hollow/raw thing again. so frustrating...and they are such cute little things that if i could master them, they'd be fantastic for parties and whatnot. (and i hear they are the new "cupcake"!) but alas, i tossed the remainder of the batter, frustrated and willing to give up...for now. i may still attempt the ganache and see if the ones that have smooth bottoms turned out at all...

after watching a video of how the shop Sucre does their macarons, i wish i hadn't tossed my batter...the recipe i was using said to stick the sheets in at 400 and immediately turn the oven off, then after 5 minutes turn the oven back on to 400 and leave in for another 8 minutes. the shop bakes theirs for 14 minutes at 280 (i believe that's what she says). that's a huge difference...

oh well...macarons 3, nutmeg 0...rematch: someday...

photo from: Paulette Macarons

A macaron (the French word for macaroon) is a sweet confectionery. Its name is derived from an Italian word “maccarone” or "maccherone". This word is itself derived from ammaccare, meaning crush or beat, used here in reference to the almond paste which is the principal ingredient. It is meringue-based: made from a mixture of egg whites, almond flour, and both granulated and confectionery sugar.

The confectionery is characterized by its smooth, domed top, ruffled circumference, and flat base. Connoisseurs prize a delicate, egg shell-like crust that yields to a moist and airy interior. The French macaron differs from other macaroons in that it is filled with cream or butter like a sandwich cookie, and can be found in a wider variety of flavors that range from the traditional (raspberry, chocolate) to the exotic (truffle, matcha tea)

definition from: Wikipedia

another written exam

well...the hubbs just left to go take another written exam. this one is for a sherrif's department. i was thinking about how routine this is becoming (which is bazaar)...and began to think about how long ago his first written test was: august 2007! and the fact that he graduated an academy a year and a half ago! AND it has already been five months since that all ended. time flies...

and here we are again...he's through all the testing for the highway patrol position in nevada, his 60 paged background packet has been received and we are waiting to hear from an investigator. and we are starting the process with another agency as well.

God is amazing. He has provided...He has carried us through. everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest...not for us. our marriage has been great, but LIFE during our marriage has been hardest the past three years...I'd be willing to say our first year was the easiest so far.

and we have somehow survived, somewhat comfortably, since the devastation in january...we are half way through the year...and we are moving towards potentially openned doors. when nevada first contacted drew, it seemed like waiting until next january to begin the academy was way too far out, and we would never survive that long...here we are and january (surprisingly) seems like it is approaching fast, particularly when we are budgeting our monthly expenses and we feel comfortable at least until october...there aren't many months between there!

praise the Lord for His provisions, for carrying us through seemingly unsurmountable obstacles...and giving us some peace while we wait for His timing.